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So I want you to know that I am putting this out there to help and inspire everyone to have more dating success, to point fingers. ” and pretty much any sentence that begins with ‘why didn’t you,’ it’s like nails on a chalkboard.

I can tell you from a guy’s perspective that when a woman says things like: “Why didn’t you call? Those kinds of statements will immediately put a guy on the defensive rather than motivating him to change and he’ll probably withdraw emotionally as a result… I would say the core reason of this is that it attacks a guy’s sense of freedom and feeling of acknowledgment. Well, when a woman starts down this chain of “Why didn’t you…” it feels to a guy as if she isn’t noticing all of the other things he is doing for a relationship. It’s perfectly normal and healthy to want a relationship with all the good qualities: connection, chemistry, understanding, intimacy, attentiveness and on and on.

When you think about letting a man pursue you, consider letting him take the lead when it makes sense for him to do so.

Don’t try to fill in the gaps for where he should be showing interest and isn’t.

Lastly, letting a man pursue doesn’t mean waiting around so long that you become impatient and borderline desperate.

Or even worse, settle for treatment that is less than what you deserve.

Personal boundaries are limits we use to protect ourselves, and they are formed by having good self-understanding and clear personal values.

You don’t want the man to worry that you’re not interested.

Part of having boundaries is understanding each other's values.

This ensures that you are remaining an individual in the relationship and not changing what you believe based on the other person.

Relationships become unhealthy when we act from a place of fear, rather than love.

More often than not, we aren’t even aware of the fears that have been driving our choices, blocking us from doing what’s best for ourselves, and damaging our relationships.

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I do, however, understand why the pastor was concerned.